I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
