Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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