Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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