he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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