i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize