THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
