i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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