This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My cat gives me a boner
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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