Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
