i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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