And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
