youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
