My nipple is on Facebook.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
