where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
