I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
