Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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