Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's rum buckets o'clock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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