Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
