chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
