I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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