New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
