last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
