I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
