I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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