More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
