PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
