Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
