its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
