I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
