Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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