I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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