so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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