Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
