Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
