can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
