So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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