too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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