We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
