And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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