If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize