I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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