what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
