i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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