I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize