went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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