I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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