Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
