just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Drake has all the answers
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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