I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
