Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
