What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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