I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
