she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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