You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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