i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
