Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
