just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pole danced in your parka.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
