why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
