I bet he comes in French.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize