I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
