Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
