ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Say something about gay babies.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
