So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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