So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
last night I used snow as a chaser
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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