Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize