I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
