Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
