Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
