i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
