My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My ass is underappreciated
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
