i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
