Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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