there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
