Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
