My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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