just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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